He was so wrong
by beatleing
Summary: Inspired by the BBC extended trailer of Season 2. Ross & Demelza after that night. This contains SPOILERS from the book and therefore of the coming episodes. Sorry if my english is not very good, is not my native language.
1. Chapter 1

Ross got out of Trenwith with the first rays of the sun sparkling over the Cornish sea. He didn't see the light. His mind was clouded by what had happened inside the house during the night. Actually, he was frozen, he had been for a few hours. Unable to sleep, unable to think, incapable to move out of that bed. Everything was darkness. When he came back to his senses he realized that Elizabeth's arm was crushing him in the mattress. It suffocated him.

The next time he felt something was the warm heat of the sun on his face. He was a top of Darkie somehow and she was galloping full speed towards Nampara. Like if she knew he should be there as soon as posible. For a second he wanted to stop, he needed it to breathe, to wash himself, to think, but he didn't give the order and a moment later he spotted the house in the distance. The house, Nampara, his home, their home. A shake begun in his shoulders and quickly extended through his arms, his hands and legs, he felt a twinge in his chest and that made him instinctively pulled the reins and stop.

-o-

Demelza had not slept either. She knew, oh she knew even before he left, even before she gave him the letter. She had tried to stop him, but he left her anyway. During the first hours she hoped that Ross would came to his senses, expected that he would enter the house in any moment with an apology and regret. But he didn't and the hours passed. Tears appeared in her eyes, she cleaned them away at first still thinking that he'd still come back and find her sobbing and crying in bed for nothing but after a while she welcome them. She was crying in her heart, she knew what he had done, is was either that or he fell off a cliff, she couldn't choose the better option, either way she had a very good reason to cry.

When dawn came upon her her tears had washed all the self pitty she felt for herself at the begining of the night. She'd told herself that she knew what she was get in herself into. That she knew Ross was impulsive, that he sometimes acted before thinking in the consequences, that he always meant to do good for everyone who need it. Even after all this time she knew that Elizabeth kept a special place in his heart. But none of that never matter because she loved him, and because he loved her. But everything changed.

The moment she saw him through the window, slowly walking towards the backyard, he left the horse enter alone to the barn and put his head under the water. The moment Jeremy started crying in his crib next to their bed, other thoughts filled her mind. Memories of Julia. Elizabeth didn't need to be helped, she's got George. But this is was she always wanted. She blamed her. Blamed her for the death of Julia, it was her fault, and for the ruin of Francis, because she wouldn't loved him the way he deserved it and didn't help him to become a better man like she had done with Ross. How could he betray his cousin this way. How could Ross betray her?. After all they been through together, he could just push her away and for what? For love. He still loved Elizabeth after all. If she had died with Julia he would have been with her by now. That was what she has become, an annoyance. She picked Jeremy in her arms and quickly cleaned him and dressed him. When she looked through the window again Ross was nowhere to be seen. She hated him.

Ross sat in the parlour in front of a breakfast that Jinny had served him. He couldn't stop looking a spot on the table and feeling that pain on the chest that had not yet dissapeared. He couldn't figure it out what it was. He heard Demelza coming down the stairs with Jeremy, she went to the kitchen first and left the baby on the floor in a blanket near Jinny so she could have her morning meal. She poured herself a cup of tea and went to the parlour. She stood in the frame door before coming in, Ross raised his head and for a few seconds they stare at each other. When Demelza went to sit in silence at the farthest corner of the table from him he realized what that pain in the middle of his being was. It was fear. Not of her, but of this. Of this moment when he would have to look at her and she would have to know what had happened. Demelza remained silent and wasn't looking to him anymore. He tried to look any sign of sadness, of tears in her eyes but he couldn't find them. She looked pale, her long red hair untamed over her shoulders. She was so very still.

'Demelza' – he started. She seemed not to have heard him.

'Demelza, you are spilling your tea'

She stood up very suddenly and in a quick move threw the cup full of liquid to the floor. She then took the plate, and for a instant Ross thought that he was going to be the target, but the plate went near the cup with another loud noice. He watched her run off the house when Jinny came in to check what was going on, he didn't knew when he had stood up but as he pass his kitchen maid he said 'We had an accident' and went after his wife.

Demelza was walking fast towards the fields when Ross started to call for her. She didn't stop.

'Demelza, Demelza wait'- Ross was not talking loud, but she wasn't so far away for not to hear him.

'Please, Demelza stop'

Then she did. She didn't turn around, she wasn't sure of being able to control the tears that were burning behind her eyes, but most important, she wasn't sure of being able to speak to him without shouting and screaming and behaving in the most unladylike manner, and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her like that.

'We need to talk' – Now he was regreting that he didn't stop to think on the way home. Think what to say to her to make it better.

'Sure you know what happened last night, I wasn't... I didn't knew what to do, sure you understand'

'Oh yes, I understand Ross' – what she had to understand she did not know. The pain blinded her. She felt wild, like she hadn't felt in many years. He thought she was a lady, he was so wrong.

'It had to be stopped, she can't marry him. If she marries him Trenwith will be his, Geoffrey Charles, everything that belonged to Francis…'

And then she couldn't stand it anymore. She turned around and striked him. Her hand hit his face with such force and surprise that he stumbled for a second and then went straight to the ground.

'Do you think that this is what he wanted?! That you would go to bed with his wife?' – She was screaming now and Ross look up to her from the dirty floor.

'Don't lie to yourself thinking you did this for Francis, you did it for yourself, because is what you always wanted!, Well now is done, now you can have Elizabeth, and Trenwith and Geoffrey Charles and I hope all of you be very happy together.' – She turned around again and left Ross on the ground looking shocked.

While he was watching his wife leaving him, suddenly the darkness that seemed to cover his mind in the last hours started to vanish… 'What have I done?'


	2. Chapter 2

Ross came back late for dinner that night. He had spent the entire day buried at the mine, Weal Grace, walking through the empty tunnels where nothing could be done except to sell what little was left. He knew that below all the soil and rocks a promising vein of tin was there waiting for him but this full enterprise had already taken all his money and many lives including the life of his cousin Francis. He heard Demelza's words over and over again in his head, saying that this whole situation wasn't what Francis would have wanted, but for him, what it would have been really unthinkable for Francis was to see his wife become a Warleggan.

But Demelza was right in one thing. So many times he had thought of Elizabeth, how it would be like to be with her. For three years, maybe even more, since they separated when he went to America she was the only one who occupied his mind. He daydreamed having her in his arms, kiss her, speak sweet words to her ear and watch her blush. But sweet was far away from the things he had said to her the night before. She resisted him at first but he knew that was just externally, that she was trying to push him away to do the right thing. But he was beyond doing the right thing, they both were. When he felt her arm on his shoulder he knew that that was it. So now what he always wanted, like Demelza told him, had happened.

Ross wasn't a person who thought much or at all about the future, he acted instinctively and endure the consequences, he never thought what he was going to do next because he'd never expected to this actually happen. So this feeling of confusion surprised him. He didn't want to see her ever again. Something was wrong, he had known Elizabeth since they were both almost children, he had courted her and stolen chaste kisses from her and as they grown older he dreamed with making love to her, marrying her and have a family with her. And now he knew all that was just a childish dream.

There was no noise at Nampara when he came in. No fire in the hearth and no lit candles. He meant to go up the stairs but stopped on the first step. Sure Demelza wouldn't want to be with him that night. Not after what had taken place that morning, he couldn't force his presence to her and he wasn't sure that she wouldn't fight with him again. So he went to sleep in Joshua's little old bedroom next to the library.

A long while has passed looking at the ceiling in that inconfortable bunk when he heard the noise of the door opening and footsteps on the stair. Demelza had just come home.

She came to their chamber and all the day's sorrow came upon her again. Ross was not there. She didn't thought it would happen so quickly, that he would leave her after just one night. When she ran out of the house that morning she didn't know where she was going until she saw the church. She used to go there every week. After Julia died Ross had buried her next to his father, he had come with her at the beginning but he didn't see the point of it after a while. She knew that he still mourn for her but there was nothing coming out of going there for him, but for her was still a place in which she could remember her, love her and still do something for her . Julia had been born from love, of that first months of love when she thought that she had everything. Ross loved them both and she knew he would have done anything to protect them from harm, she didn't need anything else, and yet everything she had had gone away.

She used to bring flowers when she came, today she brought her tears. She kneeled there, next to her child grave, until she couldn't feel her legs anymore. She wished she could be with Julia, she wished she could kiss her and hug her, and wished she could be buried there with her. But no. She couldn't. She's got Jeremy. He was such a joyful little boy and he needed her. Even if her heart was broken in a million pieces she still could love her son. Make him a good man like his father. He looked like him, with his curly dark hair and his changing eyes. Some times when he looked at her she could see Ross looking at her in those eyes. She loved him even more for that. So she would have to be strong for him.

After a long walk, Demelza spent the rest of the day in the Paynter's cottage. When Judie saw her face she kicked Jud out of the house.

'What matt'r with you child?'

'Oh Prudie! You were right...'

She didn't tell everything to Prudie and she didn't ask that many questions, but she knew she understand. She had known her all her since she was just a child and even when she pretended not to care for her she actually had shown her more affection than her father in his all life. So she stayed with her helping Prudie do her chores, or doing them herself more rather, but she needed the distraction and after supper with the Paynters she returned home.

Demelza realized that Ross had not yet left her after all. When she woke up, got out the bed, she found that all his clothes were still in their wardrobe. It was very early and Jinny was not there yet. She had asked her to take Jeremy with her for the night because she expected to have an argue and didn't want the baby to hear. But Ross didn't want to argue with her or even talk or see her apparently. One night with her and he didn't want to be with her anymore. Perhaps Elizabeth being the fine lady that she was knew things about love making that a simple miner's daughter couldn't even imagine. Nevertheless, if Ross wanted to go with her she would not stop him. She went downstairs to prepare breakfast.

'Where's Jeremy?' – Ross asked at her back.

She was a bit surprise to find him there, she didn't hear him come back last night.

'With Jinny'

'And where were you last night?' – He said after a moment.

'Here. Where were you?' – She said while putting the kettle in the fire.

'You were late. I don't like you going around outside when is dark'

She almost laugh.

'And how is Elizabeth?'

Ross just then realized what she was thinking, but did not answer.

'When are you going to carry your belongings to Trenwith?' – The question was out of her lips before she even think of it. And by the look on Ross eyes this had hit him even with more force than yesterday's punch.

'I am not going to live in Trenwith' – he whispered

Demelza remained silent

'Demelza I was here last night, I came home late and didn't want to wake you or Jeremy'

'How thoughtful of you…'

They stood there in the same room they've been before, over the same floor they've walked thousands of times. They stood there staring at eachother. Each of them without understanding the other feelings.

Demelza couldn't bear it much longer, all of this, if is over let be in this moment.

'When do you want me to leave Ross?'

He didn't understand what was going on. He to Trenwith? And she to where? And why?

'Do you want lo leave?'

'I want to do what's right' – her voice sounded broken.

'God knows what's right Demelza… I don't want you to leave if you are willing to stay'

Demelza didn't know where she was going to go if he cast her away. She couldn't take Jeremy to Illugan. She needed time to think this through.

'As you wish' – Always as you wish, she thought.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days at Nampara were the bleakest Demelza could remember. Ross had not yet returned to their bedchamber and even when he had said that he wanted her to stay he did not attempt to get close to her again. He had been in Truro for the last couple of days, or that was what he told her, and the rest of the time that he was out of the house he was at the mine, working at the fields, or with her… She didn't knew or wouldn't dare to ask him. He did came home everyday for dinner, and some times for a mid day meal, Jinny had told her, but she tried to avoid being at the house at that time, she went to see Prudie or to walk by the beach with Jeremy, so the only time they've seen each other was at supper, and even then one of them was usually late or early and when they ate together they did it in silence.

Demelza had finally listened to Ross's advise and started to relegate her chores to Jinny, she then found herself listlessly to her everyday routine, and the care of the house or her garden. But as a consequence she had a lot of time to think, wich was not any better. She had developed a plan, she would no go back to Illugan, but she could go to Sawle and find a job there. She would ask one of her acquaintance to help her, surely Hugh Bodrugan would do whatever she ask him, for a price of course, but she didn't care what she had to do anymore, she just hoped she had the courage to do it. So with her husband gone, she decided to pay a visit to her neighbour.

Ross had found a small relief in his trip to Truro. An old debt owed to him was paid, and he found himself with a little money to spend, it was not much but it was enough to open the mine again at least for a couple of months. He knew that his workers would return without even thinking of it and his business partner Henshaw would be pleased to hear the news as well.

Before leaving town he bought two little horses made of wood for Jeremy. It was going to be his first birthday year soon, and he already liked horses. He used to take him to ride with him around the house or on the beach and he would laugh out loud all the way. When they returned, Demelza was always waiting for them at the gate of Nampara, he could see her red mane at a very long distance and the smile on her face. She used to help Jeremy down the horse and kissed him on the cheek and when he was off Darkie he always had his welcome kiss too.

On the way home he remembered the first year of Julia. He gave no importance to this kind of things but for celebrate the first year in Julia's life Demelza prepared to her a special pie and she played Julia's favorites tunes on the spinet while he held the baby in his arms. Julia had fallen asleep at once, but he didn't tell Demelza and let her keep playing until she realized that her child was too quiet to be awake. They kept talking and eating pie for the rest of the evening, just the two of them like they always did. How different it would be this time. Their first child was dead and they were more poor than he ever been in his entire life, but they were also poor that time. He had failed to provide for her and yet she never complained, she always saw things in a better light than him. But it wouldn't be like that this year. Now he had failed her in the worst possible way. He hadn't dared to go back to her room again. He feared that if he went to speak to her things would be worst and she would threaten to leave him again. A couple of times he had woken up in the middle of the night with his arm looking for his wife's waist to draw her closer to him only to find himself reaching in the darkness to someone that was not there. In those times, and in other occasions too, he quietly went upstairs and slowly opened the door and watched her sleep. Jeremy was there with her. He watched them for hours. What a cad he was.

The visit to Hugh Bodrugan turned out to be a disaster. Demelza had put in her best frock, a huge red satin dress that left little to the imagination. Even Ross had looked at her with lustful eyes when he saw her in it for the first time. It was not her style at all, but she had bought it one time for a party knowing that Elizabeth would be there and for once she wanted to be the center of attention. She was of course, but as usual Ross had been away from her for most of the evening. Today the dress had had a bigger effect. Bodrugan was not in his house but it turns out that a certain Captain was there instead. McNeil had flirted with her in several occasions. He even once was the reason of a large argument with Ross, who insinuated that she was dazzled by him. Well, today maybe she was. Maybe she could do the same to him that he did to her, and then she could stop feeling so miserable.

Turns out she could not.

McNeil had wanted her since the moment he had set eyes on her. And today he'd got his opportunity with her. She had let him hold her hand and grab her waist. He had kissed her in the base of her long neck and in her cheek, and for a moment his lips touched hers. But then she had turned away from him.

She ran towards the beach without looking back. How stupid she was. What was she thinking?. She didn't like neither the touch of his hand pressing at her lower back or the rasping of his moustache when he kissed her neck. She told herself that it was the nerves, the anxiety of something new, but when he started to kissed her she found it repulsive. She couldn't do it. Kiss another man. Be with another man. Be touched by another man. She'd never in her entire life wanted no one else but Ross. She was his. He was engraved in every inch of her skin. Was she not in his?. Did he not think of her when he made love to Elizabeth?. No. Why could she not be like him?

When Ross arrived to Nampara his wife was not there again. Jeremy was playing in the kitchen. And while Jinny served him a stew for his lunch he had to ask her

'Where is your mistress Jinny?'

'She had to run an errand Mr. Ross'

'Did she tell you where she was going?'

'No, she said she be back before tea time Sur'

'Thank you Jinny'

When his kitchen maid curtsied to him, for the first time in all this time he noticed his house. It was darker than usual. There was a small fire in the hearth but no candles. The curtains were closed. There was no tablecloths on the tables nor flowers on the vases that Demelza had spread all over the house in the years she had been in there. Her sewing box wasn't were she used to put it near the fireplace. He looked at his food. When was the last time he had eaten a meal made by Demelza?. Everything looked desolate. Is this how life was without her? This is how it would have been if he had not brought her home with him that day from the Truro fair? He would not have it. He went to look for her.


	4. Chapter 4

A cold wind was blowing coming from the sea. The afternoon sun was hidden behind the clouds. Jud was working on the fields, as rare as that sounds. He usually did that after he had finished an entire bottle of liquor stolen from Ross cabinet. A some sort of apology, little did it matter that he actually paid him to do the job.

'Jud, is Demelza with Prudie?' – it was her most common place to be this days.

'Ain't sur, havn't see'er tis day'

Ross nodded to him and began his way towards the beach.

'Tedn't right wha'ee done to'er' – his servant told him

Ross turned around to face him, he couldn't believe what he just said to him.

'She be the best thing 'ever happen to 'ee' – he continued

'Jud…' – Ross tried to stop him, but he didn't.

'Ever since tha' brat came to this 'ouse she done nothing more than care for 'ee'

'And since when do you care for her?'- Ross said bitterly

''Er be my mistress' – Jud scratched his head and then continued – 'an' since myself an' me old woman never 'ave no child of 'or own well, 'ee know, Prudie likes 'er'

Unbelievable. Jud Paynter was fond of Demelza. Ross thought of the laugh he and Demelza would have if he told her how Jud was defending her.

'What 'ee done to th' poor gurl, tedn't fair, tedn't right, tedn't proper'

'What do you know Jud?' – Ross asked him exasperated that the tale was already around.

'I? I don't know anyth'ng Mister Ross, but I saw tha' gurl face with me own eyes… 'ee 'not deserve 'er'

'That's enough. Mind your own business, or actually my business. Hurry up and finish the field and do not talk except somebody ask you.'

'Aye, Mister Ross'

The impudence. To talk to him like that. He had let him pass once too often. He would not tolerate his insolence again.

'Mister Ross' – He heard him call for him at his back.

Jud waited until he turned around and looked him in the eyes

'I would beg for forgiveness if I 'ere 'ee'

He got to the beach more heated thanks to Jud's conversation. It amazed him the loyalty and affection that Demelza could inspire, even in the most unthinkable creatures. He could count himself upon them. He could, couldn't he?. He saw her coming walking down the beach and by the water. A vision in red. Jud's words resounded in his head, 'you don't deserve her'. Well that was true. He never did. It was a trick of fate that he happened to be there at the fair that day, but ever since that moment he had given her shelter, and food, and clothing. He had make her his wife, a fine lady…

Demelza had spotted Ross in the distance and she was walking extremely slow in his direction, stopping here and there to see something in the sand or in the water. She'd got her shoes in her hand, and her skirt was wet to her knees.

Ross knew that none of that mattered to Demelza. She could make the most with the smallest thing, but he knew she cared about family, about friendship, about love… and he had failed to her...

'Well Ross, how kind of you to come and meet me' – she said with a big smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes.

'You would catch a cold in that dress'- he said this while taking off his coat

'Oh Ross, I'd been colder today swimming in the… No!' – She almost screamed to him when he went to put his coat around her shoulders. She pushed him away when he tried again.

'Don't touch me!'

Ross stood there with the waves hitting on his boots and the coat in his hands. She had never said those words to him. Just a moment that could be years passed between them while they looked at each other. He didn't know how to do this, not on his own. He knew that he was moody, that he constantly said rough things and that he could never said at loud what was in his heart. But Demelza had always helped him. She made it easier for him to show her affection. She always smiled to him or look at him with sweet lustful eyes. She'd always blushed like the very first time he put his eyes on her when she caught him looking at her. Even in their darkest hours she always had her hands in his. She was always there to touch, to hug, to kiss… And now she was so far away. He didn't know how to do this without her helping him.

Demelza began to walk again towards the house. She was more furious than she'd ever been. Not just with him, but with her. Why she was such a saint that she couldn't do the same than he? It would have made things easier.

'Demelza' – he was in front of her in a few steps.

'We need to talk about this, about what we are going to do'

'Do not trouble yourself Ross, I shall stay until you say so. One word and we'll be gone'

'That's not what I meant…'

'Have you already settle your plans?'- she said when another weird smile on her lips

Plans?

'My plans?' – Ross said in a low voice

'Yes, yours and Elizabeth's. She can't really marry George right? I'm sure he won't be too happy, but you'd be pleased with that, you can kill two birds with one stone as some people say…'

'Enough with this' – he interrupted her – 'I'm sure you feel you've got the right to this pleasantries, and you probably have, but I will not listen to it anymore. Tell me when you are done with them so I can have a proper conversation with my wife!'

'Your wife?. Now you want to talk with your wife? To have a conversation you must listen as well as talk. You didn't listen to me that day when I tried to tell you not to go to Trenwith! Why do you think that I would like to speak to you now?'- Demelza's lips were trembling

Ross knew that this was not going to happen the way he thought it would be. She was so angry at him, angrier than the days before if that was possible. He let her go when she walked past him, but he follow her closely. When they were near the house gate he tried again.

'Jeremy was calling for you earlier'

She stopped again and turned to face him.

'He can say 'mommy' pretty clear now…' – He would try anything – 'I bought him a couple of wood horses for his birthday'

'I'm surpriseed that you'd got time to go to town…'

'Demelza I was in Truro the entire weekend. I didn't go to Trenwith. I haven't seen Elizabeth since… since that day. I'm not going anywhere. '

Demelza wrap her arms around her. The chill finally caught her.

'I'm not lying to you. Do you believe me?'- Ross bend his head to watch her closely. He wanted to touch her, to stroke her arms and put his hands on her shoulders, but he held back.

'If you say so Ross' – and she went inside.

AT: Thank you all for reading and the lovely comments. It means a lot to me. My apologies again for any grammar mistake or lack of vocabulary, my english is not the best, but I do what I can. This will get better from now, I hope, this two with all their issues are killing me…


	5. Chapter 5

Demelza went to bed early that evening. After returning from the Bodrugan's house, the encounter with McNeil and the conversation with Ross, she was exhausted. She had spent the afternoon with Jeremy, turns out that he was a little bit upset and annoying after all and he didn´t let Jinny do any of her chores, so after calming him down, playing with Garrick, a bath and eating, he finally fell asleep and she next to him in the master bed.

Ross had gone to the mine and worked there for the rest of the afternoon. The water pump had been broken in the collapse and he spent the rest of the day with Zacky Martin and the mechanic trying to fix it. Thankfully they did, so the mine could finally open again. On the way home the ghosts that pursued him found him again. What struck him the most was the fact that Demelza thought that he would leave her for Elizabeth. The idea had never cross his mind, but he saw why his wife could think that. He hadn't returned to see Elizabeth, perhaps he should, he owed her a proper conversation, an explanation in day light about what had happened. But what he was going to say? He didn't want to see her again. He didn't want to give Demelza another reason to be angry with him.

After a lonely supper he went to the box bed and tried to sleep but sleep didn't come. The image of the first time he saw Demelza in that red dress came to his mind over and over again. Sometimes her beauty got lost in the everyday routine, hidden under her chore's frock with the apron tied in her waist, her long and indomitable hair covering her back and part of her forehead and flour in her hands and in her nose. But other times her youth and grace suddenly appeared in front of his eyes and he couldn't stop looking at her. He often wondered how that urchin girl could become into that goddess. And she was his. And he could touch her and kiss her and make love to her whenever he wanted to. He got up and went upstairs.

The room was half in dark, the only light coming from the moon and entering through the window. It took a few minutes for his eyes to get used to. He stood near the four poster bed watching them, it calmed him down. The house was completely silent, the only noise coming from the uneven breathing of Jeremy, he was dreaming. He used to fall asleep listening to Jeremy's breathing before, long time after Demelza had fallen asleep. It was a unique feeling that moment of the day and it was only his own. It never occurred to him with Julia, he loved her of course, but with Jeremy it was different. He was his heir. A Poldark, and his children would be Poldarks, his own blood. It was like if now he had to make his business work, he had to prosper, not for him but for his son. As usual Demelza had given him exactly what he needed before he even knew it.

Suddenly Jeremy made a louder noise, said something in his sleep and he awakened Demelza. Her blue eyes shone under the moon light. Her voice cut through his thoughts

'Ross, what are you doing here?'- she said whispering.

He didn't move.

'I'm cold' – it was the first thing that came to his mind.

She looked at him for a long moment and then slowly moved Jeremy and herself to one side of the bed. She made room for him.

In that moment Ross did feel very cold. Almost frozen, their warm bed looking so inviting. He was under the blankets in a blink of an eye. Demelza rolled in the bed again and turned around to not face him. Jeremy grabbed a handful of his mother red hair but did not awake. Minutes, hours passed with him looking at her back and the baby between them.

'Do you not love anymore?'- he said in such a low voice that he almost didn't heard himself.

Demelza pretended to be asleep.

She woke up very early in the morning. Her husband was deeply asleep in the very small space that Jeremy left for him in the bed. Emotions battled within her. To her anger and sadness and the feeling of betrayal now she had to add something else. She always was the one who thought that it was better to move on, to see the good in things and make the best with one's had. Ross was in her bed again. Could she move on? Did she still love him? She needed time to think.

A letter from Verity arrived after Ross went to Weal Grace. She was coming to visit them the following week, Elizabeth and George's wedding date had been set and she was going to use the trip to call upon them as well. Elizabeth's wedding was on the same day that Jeremy's birthday. Oh, this woman ruined everything!. She was not going to be able to control herself if she ever saw her again.

'Jinny, give this letter to Captain Poldark when he return from the mine'

'Yes mam, will you be out?'

'I'll be helping Prudie with her chores'

When Demelza and Jeremy came back to Nampara Ross was already sleeping in the master bedroom. She wondered how he had taken the news.


	6. Chapter 6

The following days Ross barely spoke to her. Even when they spent more time together now, in breakfast, supper or sometimes during lunch, he was always with a brooding look on his face. At night he didn't said anything nor asked anything to her. She laid in bed staring at the ceiling until all of the candles were extinguished. There were no more tears left in her eyes, she had already cried them all. Nor she was angry anymore. She felt sorry for her and for him, because none of them could have what they wanted. But perhaps it was not too late, perhaps she could have the courage to do what Ross couldn't. She had always gave him what he wanted before he even ask for it, that was what he told her that evening when he asked her to marry him. Said she was going to marry him.

It was the day before of Jeremy first year. After break her fast she decided to clean the house, clean it like in the old days. She moved the spinet and the cabinet. The chairs and the table she moved all over the parlour cleaning around them. She shook the cushions and all Jeremy's toys ended up tidied in a box. She washed the curtains and cleaned the windows from dust. She was working in the kitchen when Ross came back and went straight to the library. It used to be her favorite room to be when she still was a kitchen maid, the place where she could be closer to her master without him even being there. He taught her the letters there, she would sit by the fire at nights studying while he worked. But over the years it had become a more serious place. She could remember a few arguments with Ross in that room. Perhaps it was the right place to do it. She went to talk to him.

Demelza knocked the door and went inside without waiting for the reply. Ross was busy working on his papers.

'Ross' - she called him when he didn't look up

'Yes? I didn't hear you' – he said and went back to his papers

'Ross there is something I have to tell you'

'mmmhhh…'

'Ross please, listen to me' – she insisted

Finally he dropped the pen and looked at her. The scene looked vaguely familiar for the both of them. He sitting behind his desk with his palms in his hands, she standing in front of him with nowhere to hide, no way to go but forward.

'I cannot do this anymore. I thought I could…'

'Demelza' – he interrupted her

'Please Ross, let me say what I have to say. You wanted to talk before and I need to tell you this'

He slowly nodded for her to go on.

'I always knew that you loved her. I knew it the very first day that you brought me to this house. She was already such a beautiful and fine lady and I could understand why you felt like that for her'

'Demelza' – his eyes had turned darker.

'I never… I never imagined that you would marry me. I would have been content with every decision that you could had possibly taken. If I was sent back to my father or if you wished that I would remain your kitchen maid or your lover, or whatever it was that you would had said I would have done it' – she was talking slowly but there was no tears or signs of sentimentality.

'Stop this' – he tried again.

'No, let me finish. I was a child and I didn't understood what a marriage was. So I married you and I thought that my love would be enough for the both of us. And it was for a while… and then I knew you loved me back. And we were happy, so happy. Weren't we Ross?'

'Yes we were'

'But now… now we are back to where we started, and I can't do it. I can´t live like this, is not in me anymore'

Ross felt his eyes burning. His hands were pressed against each other and his heart was beating so hard that he felt it in his ears.

Demelza stared at the floor for a moment looking for the strength to say was she was going to said next.

'You should go to her' – she said it without sounding hurt and with a clear voice - 'you still have time, the wedding is tomorrow…'

Ross got up from his chair, went around the desk and stood in front of her. Demelza didn't move back and she looked to him in the eyes.

'I have no intention to stop that wedding Demelza, how many times do I have to tell you?'

'I know you don't, but you should, because that is what you want. These last few days I realized that you could never be happy if she marries him'

'These last few days?' - he asked.

'Yes, ever since that letter came with the news. You are hardly alive Ross. You are gloomy and sad all day. You barely speak, you don't even eat.'

A shy smile appeared in his lips. His hands went to her shoulders and he looked directly into her eyes.

'Demelza, you misunderstood my behavior of the last few days. Actually I didn't even realize that I was brooding that much…'

She did not understand what he was talking about.

'Is not because of the wedding that I am in such a mood, although the thought of George Warleggan in Francis house is not helping much'

'Oh… then why?'

'The mine. Yes, the mine'

'Are things going bad again?' – suddenly she was distracted of her objective by what he was saying.

'No. Far from it. Remember the vein of tin that we found before the collapse?'

'Mhhh'

'Turns out that it wasn't just a vein. It's a tremendous load' – he said with a grin on his face.

'What? Ross I don't understand, you mean...'

'Yes. It means that we may not have to worry about the interests of the loan at the end of the year, and if things go on like this we'll be able to cancel the capital soon'

She couldn't believe it, after all this time…

'Why didn't you tell me? Why do you let me to think the worst when…'

'My apologies. I didn't want you to make any illusions, not after all the disappointments we had in the past'

His hands were now in her upper arms. It was the first time that they were so close after that night. She felt very subconscious of his closeness, all that she thought would happen was suddenly upside down. Ross was savoring the pleasure of sharing good news with his wife. He didn't realize until that point that by telling her he could completely enjoy the moment.

They stood there for a while, each of them lost in their thoughts. A long moment later he said in a deeper voice.

'Demelza, I know there has been unpleasant feelings between us in the last few months, I hope we can put them behind us'

'Yes Ross. I don't feel nothing anymore'

His grip on her became tighter. He brought her closer, leaned in and softly kissed her on the lips.

'it is no 'nothing' what I want you to feel'

The moment of intimacy was broken by Jeremy's cry.

'I'll go to see him' – she said and went off.

Ross was left standing in the middle of the library, his hands still burning from the touch of his wife.

AN: Again, thank you such much for following this story and for your lovely comments, keep them coming!  
Camille, FF doesn't let me reply your comment, it was very special and encouraging, thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

A strange stillness had settled in the Nampara household since the day of Jeremy's first year. For Ross, having said to Demelza about the news of the mine meant a relief that he didn't realize he needed. For now it was clear that all his sacrifice, his investments, all the hours, days buried in there would pay off. It will not just keep them afloat, it will make them rich. After all this years, ever since he came back from America he has been involved in this quest and it had cost him a great deal. So now he needed to enjoy this, and he needed to Demelza to help him enjoy it. He could see she was trying but it was obvious that she was being very subconscious about it, and she was failing. Something was still between them, he had not removed it. The things unsaid and the ones that were spoken of still created a wall that separated them.

Demelza was confused. That morning she thought her life with Ross had come to an end but she had misunderstood his behavior. That very next day Ross surprised her by coming back home early in the afternoon. He said that he wanted to spend time with Jeremy on his birthday so he took the child for a ride on Darkie.

It was Elizabeth's wedding day, and she was a bit apprehensive and on the defensive about what would Ross do. But he looked in good spirits and after what he said to her the day before maybe it was better to leave things the way they were. She was still unsure about her own feelings, for not to mention Ross's, but for the moment she would let it go. While the boys were away she decided to bake a pie for when they return.

The sun was already hidden when she heard the gallop of the mare approaching the house, and then she heard Jeremy's cry. She ran outside.

Her son was still atop of the horse, Ross was on the ground trying to make him loose his little hands from the pommel of the saddle.

'No, acain!'

'Jeremy it's time to go inside, it's getting dark' – Ross was saying when Demelza got beside them.

Jeremy was crying inconsolably loudly, his face red and with his tears dampening his chubby cheeks.

'What's happened?'

'He won't come down'- Ross told her.

'Come 'on love, it's time to go home'

'No!' – the baby screamed her between hiccups

'This is what happens when you spoil him that much'

Demelza gave to Ross a cold look, grabbed the baby in her arms and went inside with Jeremy wriggling and screaming for Darkie. Ross went behind them, but didn't stay with them in the parlour, he went to the library instead.

'Sshhh…' – Demelza tried to calm him while she looked at Ross enter his office – 'I made you a pie, you want pie?'

'No!' – he cried as he pulled her hair.

A short moment after Ross was with them again with a box with a ribbon in his hands.

'Look Jeremy, we've got you a birthday present'

The child did not look very interested.

'Don't you want to know what it is?'- Ross said again and looked at Demelza, she said:

'Look love, dad has a gift for you'

Jeremy slowly stopped crying, still not interested in the box but in the curious voices that both of his parents were making.

Ross put the box on the table and Demelza sat with her son in her lap while Ross untied the knot and opened the box. Ross took the two wood horses and made them trot in the air in front of Jeremy's little face. His eyes went open like lamps. He stretched his arms and screamed to Ross demanding him to give the toys to him. His giggles were contagious.

Ross sat in front of them watching his child play happily with the little horses. Later, while Jeremy still played on the floor, they ate Demelza's pie near the fire.

'Jeremy, what is the name of this horse?' – He asked his son pointing at one of them.

'Tarkie'- he responded to him.

'And this one?'

Jeremy went serious while he thought the answer.

'Jud' – he said after a moment.

They all laughed.

-o-

That night when Ross went to the master bedroom he found Demelza reading a story from a book to Jeremy. It was one of his own, a book that his mother used to read to him and his brother when they were little. Their child was almost asleep in his side of the bed as it was usual in him. He had heard somewhere that it was common for sons to get jealous of their fathers for being close to their mothers. Jeremy did not have such trouble, he's got his mother all for himself and at his disposal every hour of the day. He wonder how many fathers were jealous of their sons.

'You should bring him to his cot' – he said to Demelza while getting in bed – 'I can barely fit in this tiny space'

'Maybe you should sleep in the cot' – She sounded a little bit bitter than she intended.

Ross raised an eyebrow to her.

'Did you hear about the wedding?' – she couldn't resist ask him

'No'

'Jinny told me that the entire Cornwall was there'

Ross's face looked like if was made of stone, but Demelza could see the muscles tight in his cheek.

'Well, the wealthiest part at least' – she continued.

He was quiet for a moment, and then he repeated to her:

'You spoil him by letting him sleep in here. He must know his place, look like he behaved today…'

Demelza didn't say anything. She let the book on the light table next to the bed and blew out the candle. She buried herself under the blankets and rolled to her side.

'Good night' – he said

'Good night Ross'- she replied in a whisper.

Ross woke up in the middle of the night, the room was in darkness except for the glow coming from the hearth. He could see his wife's silhouette carrying a sleeping Jeremy back to his crib and then coming back in tip toes to the master bed. He went back to sleep with a smile on his lips.

0000

AT: Thanks again for following this story and for your comments, keep them coming! I had to write this about baby Jeremy, because there is just not enough of him… I think next chapter will be the last one, will see how it goes.


	8. Chapter 8

Winter was almost upon the Cornwall coast. Verity's stay in Trenwith took longer than everyone anticipated. She wrote to Ross asking for his help for the arrangements regarding the Poldark's inheritance. While the newlyweds Elizabeth and George went to London for their honeymoon, she had to stay with Aunt Agatha and Geoffrey Charles seeing that the Warleggan's servants didn't throw away all her family's belongings with the excuse of George's 'remodelation' of the house. Ross told Demelza that he was busy with the mine and that in any case he didn't want anything to do with the Trenwith House or any furniture in it, so this delayed Verity's arrival to Nampara.

This situation gave Ross an idea, he used his cousin visit as an excuse to take Demelza with him to Truro to help him buy new things for their house. Not that Verity would mind the lack of furniture or to drink the port from a mug, but Ross had convinced Demelza that it was no necessary to have such needs now, and that they should buy replacements for all the things they had to sell in the past now that they could afford it.

The trip turned out to be more pleasurable for Ross than for his wife. First she was a bit reluctant about the ride to town.

'Is not going to be the first time that we rode in her together' – Ross had said to her when he saw Demelza hesitated watching at Darkie – 'If you are uncomfortable with the proximity we can buy a horse for you in Truro'

'No Ross, there are other things more important than a new horse'- Demelza had told him.

Later, and while Ross was in a meeting with his banker Pascoe, Demelza went to see the dressmaker to buy cloth for a new dress for her and Prudie, and for vests for Ross and Jeremy.

In there she saw a woman with an over the top dress and too much powder on. Normally she wouldn´t had pay any attention, but that woman didn't stop staring at her.

'Mistress Poldark' – the woman finally said to her.

'Good morning mam, are we acquaintance? I don't remember having the pleasure...'

'Oh no, we only saw each other once, in the house of your new cousin, George Warleggan'

She then remembered her. Although she looked slightly different now, that was the woman that was with Francis the night Ross fought with Matthew Sanson.

'He is not my cousin'

'I hope his new wife takes care of him better than she took care of her first husband'

'I doubt that George Warleggan needs someone to take care of him'

The woman laughed in an exaggerated way.

'You may be right about that! And tell me Mistress Poldark, how is your husband Ross?'

'He is in good health, thank you'- She hesitant replied

'I am sure he is, although he always was the kind of man who needed a woman to take care of him'

Demelza was disgusted, that horrible woman and the tone in her voice leave no doubt for mistake what she was implying. She kept her composure the best she could.

'I wish you good day mam, I have to go'

'Good day, and please tell Captain Poldark that Margaret Vosper sends her regards'

The two woman courtesy each other. Demelza went to find Ross in the furniture store, she tried to put the encounter in the back of her mind.

After leaving Pascoe's Ross went to the jewellery and then he enjoyed spend the rest of the day with Demelza. During their married life one of his secret desires had been to indulge her, take her to the village and buy everything she wanted. It was the first time that he could actually do that. Demelza ended up stopping Ross from buying every single thing that she commented was nice or that she said she liked it. He laughed of her in a couple of occasions and they laughed together in another few. She found herself walking hand in hand with him in the streets of Truro and sometimes while Ross talked to the sellers, he surrounded her waist with his arm and she had to endure it, pretending like this was something entirely normal. But as soon as she was sure nobody was looking at them, she would covertly break away from his embrace. Not that she didn't find pleasure in this small signs of gallantries from Ross, but she still was not ready. Something was missing, she felt something was lost and she did not know what it was or where to find it.

When Ross went up stairs that night, Demelza was already covered in blankets.

'Are you asleep?'- He whispered to not awake Jeremy.

'No. Ross, could you poke the fire? It's freezing...'

He slowly approached the bed and sat next to her over the covers, his left hand went to rest in the bump that were her hips.

'Are you cold? I could warm you'

She was so buried under the blankets that all he could see was her red hair.

'No Ross, just see to the fire please'- She answered without looking at him.

She felt him get up from the bed and walk to the hearth to stir the fire. Then he went to lay in his side of the bed, blew off the candles and went to sleep. He didn't say anything else that night.

Verity's visit turned out to be very short. She only stayed one night and she spent most of her time in Nampara playing with her godson, who was more than pleased to see her. When he finally fell asleep, Demelza and her cousin sat in the parlour to take a cup of tea. To Verity's perspicacious eyes Demelza seemed a bit tired, she didn't say anything of course, but it looked to her as if she had aged years in this last few months.

Demelza wasn't so chattering as usual either. They've talked about Verity's life and her new political son and daughter, her house and her husband but she avoided to speak of herself. She also noticed the little frown she made every time that she mentioned Trenwith or Elizabeth's name.

The next morning Ross escorted her to take the carriage to Falmouth, and on the way she asked him:

'Dear cousin, I hope you don't mind me asking, is Demelza well?'

Ross didn't answer immediately. Instead he pulled his horse to a stop and looked at the sea that unfolded before him.

'Did she say anything?'- He asked in return to his cousin who had also stopped next to him.

'No. But maybe that was it. She was more quiet than usual'

'She is in good health, it's me who seems to upset her'

'Oh cousin, I don't think that is..'

'It is' – he interrupted her –'I'm certain'

'But why?'

He went silent for a little while again.

'I'm afraid that if I tell you, you may be upset as well'

Verity could never imagine what it was that had occurred between her cousins. She thought it would be some kind of domestic dispute, however, she could see that Demelza was not the only one hurt in this situation.

'Did you spoke to her?'- She innocently asked him

'How?'

'Sincerely?' – Verity smiled at Ross face of surprise – 'Dear Ross, I may not know what it is that happened between the two of you, but I'm sure that you can talk about it and solve it'

She then continued:

'A very wise person once told me that ' _Love could conquer all_ ', that person was your wife. Talk to her. I'm sure she will understand'

Ross didn't say more. He bid farewell to Verity and went back to the mine.

AT: Thank you, thank you, thank you for your comments, follows, favorites and for reading this story. I'd said this would be the last chapter, well, it turns out to be a very long chapter so we have two more to go!


	9. Chapter 9

Life at Nampara continued with a friendly companionship between husband and wife. They had yet to cross the bridge that separated them, but Ross believed that in time Demelza would return to be her former self. He knew her, and he knew that she wouldn't dwell in the past forever.

He spent more time in home, the mine not so demanding now like it used to be. He worked in the fields and in the farm that were so neglected in the last few years. Demelza sometimes took Jeremy to see the animals while he was working, and they spoke about the next harvest or the new barn they needed or about the news coming from France. She used to go back inside the house before he finished his job. That gave him the impression that she didn't want to be near him when he have his hands free or could be closer to her. She kept a distance, both physically and emotionally, that Ross could only hope it would banish in time.

All that months since the night he spent with Elizabeth he had been reluctant to talk with Demelza about her. He knew Demelza had always been aware of his situation with Elizabeth, that connection with her was something that existed for a long time before he even knew his wife. It never had to be discussed. He didn't want to discuss it. It was a fact. Part of the history of his life, it could not be changed. But that was his view on the matter. Maybe Verity was right, maybe the confrontation was inevitable.

It happened in Christmas Eve. Ross and Demelza had invited Dwight and Caroline to dinner with them. Demelza had put on a really good effort in arranging the house for the visit of Caroline. The two women had only seen each other in a couple of occasions but Caroline had been so generous with them in the past, she had helped them in an hour of need and for that she had won Demelza's eternal gratitude and friendship.

The four of them ate in the most animated spirits, Dwight told his adventures with Ross in America and how he mended his face after he was injured. Demelza flinched when she heard the story and touched her face in shock when Dwight talked about Ross getting hurt. Ross observed the new couple, how Caroline looked at Dwight when he was talking, the glances they shared and the smiles playing in their lips whenever the other was talking.

Having a couple in love in the house was what made Ross take the decision. It wasn't that his friends reminded him of the early days with Demelza. They had never been like that. He never courted her, never dreamed or yearned for her, he never even asked for her hand... But since their wedding their lives had been amorous and passionate enough, and he missed that. He could not delayed it much longer. He would talk to her that night.

After accompanying the couple to their horses and waving good bye to them from the gate of the house, Ross went back inside. Demelza was cleaning the rest of the banquet, walking from the kitchen to the parlour carrying trays with plates and cups. She had loose her hair wich had been tied up during dinner in Caroline's honour.

Ross watched her for a few minutes trying to think the appropriate way to start the conversation.

'Everything tasted wonderful Demelza'- he said when she returned from the kitchen.

'Do you believe she liked it?'

'I'm sure she did'

'They do make such a beautiful couple'- she said with a dreamy voice.

'You think so?'

'Do you not?'

'I think she is some temperamental for him'

Demelza was cleaning the last traces of dinner from the table. Ross slowly went to stand near her.

'Though you should be a good judge of that. Since you are married to one'

He put one of his hands on her shoulder and with the other grabbed her hand.

'Leave that, Demelza. Come, sit with me for a moment'

She let him guide her to the sit near the hearth. She then realized that this was the moment when he was going to go across the line that separated them, when he was going to break the boundaries of companionship and try to become something else. He kneeled in front of her and began to speak slowly and with a low voice.

'Until recent time I didn't think I should tell you this. You see, I believe that there is certain moral etiquette, even in adultery, that prevent a man to talk about a woman to another, even when the second one turns out be the man's wife'

'Ross, you don't think I want to hear this?'- Demelza said in a wary tone.

'Yes, I think you do. I think you would be pleased'

'I don't imagine how anything you could tell me about this could please me'- it was the truth. She didn't want to know.

'Then you have very little imagination'- he put his hands in hers –'Demelza, you are so desperate to be fair, so eager to do the best with what you have, but what you have is all. Do you believe me?'

'Do I have the right to believe that?'- she quickly replied.

'Yes, you do... If what happened in may could had happened in a vacuum, without hurting anyone, I would not regret it'

'You wouldn't?'

'No, because that made me realize something that surely I should had known without the experience, and that is that who I truly love is you'

'Please Ross, I don't want you to say more than you feel'

'But it is how I feel Demelza, it is'

Ross looked at his wife, her face looked calm, the light from the fire painting strange figures in her cheeks. He could not see the turmoil inside Demelza. He couldn't see the battle in her heart, the forces collapsing between the easy, and so wanted, capitulation and the voice that scream to her 'No, it's not enough!'.

'May I ask you something Ross?'- she finally said.

'By all means'

'How did you get to this conclusion?- seeing the confusion in Ross's face she continued –' I mean, you couldn't have made any decision in only one night...'

'I don't follow you'

'I think, what I'm trying to say is that the experience couldn't had been unpleasant'

'What experience?'- he didn't understand what she was trying to say.

'Of making love with Elizabeth'

'Oh' – she caught him out of guard –'No... far from it'

'So why did you came to that conclusion? – she repeated

'I guess... I guess I was not seeking only pleasure, I think that what I was looking was something similar to what I have with you. But for me it was not there, it just wasn't there'

Demelza blinked at him and shyly smiled. Ross put his hand on his cheek as if to kiss her.

'Perhaps you didn't try enough'- she said when he leant to her.

'What do you mean?'

'Perhaps you didn't persevere, maybe if you had continued seeing her you would had found what you were looking for'- she told her husband, who seem more and more confused as she was talking.

'Are you saying that you would had wanted me continued seeing Elizabeth?'

'No Ross, that's not what I had wanted to, I would had wanted you not to go to her in the first place... what I mean is that I believe you are not being fair to her'

'Are you defending her now?'- he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

'No, it's just that I wouldn't like to be judged like that... although I think that I was, recently'

'I don't understand'- he said.

'Ross, I have something to tell you as well. But you must promise to listen to me'

'Go on'

'I... I had an affair with McNeil'- she blurted out

Ross stood on his feet so suddenly he almost fell.

'What?'

'It was the first weekend after your encounter with Elizabeth. You can imagine the state that I was in, for all I knew, you had just abandoned me for her...'

His left hand was now on his waist, the other ran across his forehead and back to his hair.

'I went to visit Sir Hugh Bodrugan but he wasn't in his house. Malcom was there...'

Malcom... Malcom... His hands went to fists. Ross could feel the wave of anger running through his veins, he was barely listen to her anymore.

'... we spent almost the entire morning together, talking and walking in the gardens. I let him hold my hand and be close to me, but then he started to kiss me and I... I couldn't do it'

Ross wasn't looking at her anymore, he was trying to control himself, trying to find some explanation for what she just said.

'Are you saying that all this time, every time that scoundrel came to this house...'- he was mumbling between his teeth

'Ross No! I've never even looked at him before..'

'Do you have feelings for him?- he didn't let her finish

She was so startled by his reaction that she doubt it for an instant.

'For a moment I thought that I wanted to do it...'

'For a moment?'

His tone was getting louder. He turned away from her and walked to the opposite wall, his hand still in his head.

'Yes, I wanted to do the same to you that you did to me, I wasn't thinking clearly. My husband had just left me for another woman!'

He turned to see her again.

'What happened with Elizabeth was a result of a fifteen years devotion, not some moment of madness looking for pleasure in the gardens. What other excuse can you think of to give a soldier the license of your body?!'

Rage overpowered her.

'And what about Margaret Vosper? Did you have a fifteen years devotion for her as well?'

Ross walked violently towards her knocking away a chair that stood on his way. He had never felt more anger in his entire life that is this moment.

'The only business I had with Margaret Vosper was when you were still a child. I can't promise fidelity for the time before we were married'

'Nor after'

She could see the danger man that her husband was in front of her, but she wasn't scared of him, in any case she could have confront him as an equal.

'Ross, if you would just listen to me instead of getting all angry. I thought I should tell you, maybe I should have done it before, I don't like to be dishonest and after what you said to me... Nothing really happened, I hope you are satisfied with that because I'm sure he wasn't'

'How would I know what kind of satisfaction he had?'

'Oh Ross, what a horrible thing to say! That you think that I... I...'

'I don't know what to think anymore'

Her whole world collapsed. Everything was over. The night had started so well and he had said just the right things. But then she needed to test it, and now everything was in ruins. She ran away from the room.


	10. Chapter 10

Ross stood there, his hands supported the fire place, his arms stretched holding the weight of his body. His head was spinning. He couldn't react to what Demelza had told him. His wife with another man?. That terrifying idea had never crossed his mind. All this time thinking about Elizabeth, about the damage his actions had done to her. He never thought… He never imagined.

A very vivid image of McNeil in his red uniform hugging Demelza came to his mind, kissing her, making love to her. 'Stop this!' He said to himself. The room was spinning around him, he wanted to throw up. 'It's my fault, all of this is my fault'.

He didn't realize how much time he stood there, with his head down looking at the fire, he just heard the door open and close.

'Demelza'- his plea was nearly a scream. He went after her.

She was wearing her travel clothing and was carrying a suitcase that looked too heavy for her as she clumsily walked as fast as she could to get away from the house.

'Demelza, what are you doing?'- he said while he ran to catch up with her. When she was at arm reach he grabbed her by the elbow and turned her around but she struggled to free her arm from his grasp and then pushed him with both hands, leaving the suitcase to drop on the floor.

'I am leaving!'- she screamed to her shocked husband.

'You can't…'

Ross wanted to say something but the words got stuck in his throat. On the contrary, words and accusations piled up in her mind and she let them out, unfiltered, and without the respect that a lady should have for her husband.

'I'm leaving you, so now you can blame me for this and you can feel sorry for yourself like you always do. Because nothing is ever your fault, the world is always against the god almighty Ross Poldark!'

She turned away for an instant but then came back to face him again.

'You know, how different your life could have been if you would just had taken the trouble of writing to Elizabeth? One letter. In three years! But you blamed her instead, well…'

All the colours had erased from Ross's face. He stared at his wife like seeing her for the first time. He had hurt her so deeply, and not just by sleeping with Elizabeth.

'You cannot go. Your duty lays here' – Demelza picked up the suitcase from the floor – 'You are the mother of my son.'

'The mother of your son? Just because I'm the mother of your child… just because I'm here doesn't mean that you love…'

'Yes, it does to me. It does because you are everything to me.'- Ross could barely control the tone of his voice, all his feelings coming out, his heart in his hands – 'Mother of my children, mistress of my household, my friend, my lover, my conscience, my partner… the love of my life. The only love I've ever known. You are my everything and I don't want another life, or nothing else or no one else, but you'

Demelza didn't move. Ross came closer, took her hand and caressed her palm with his thumb as he said:

'There is another thing I want you to know, and that is how sorry I am for what happened in may, you did not deserve it… and I also apologize for what I said before in my fit of rage, or should I say of jealousy, about you and McNeil, that could not be more far off of what I think of you. I know that what you told me is what really happened.

Demelza released her hand and covered her face in a sign of distress but said nothing.

'Is he still in the county? I could go and find him in the morning… Do you still prefer him?'

'No Ross! I don't care about one single hair of his moustache!'- she finally burst.

'Then why are you leaving? Are you not willing to overlook the things I said?, Can you not forgive me?'

'Oh Ross, I cannot forgive myself!'- she cried –'I didn't realize until you said it. How could I think to do such a thing? I don't know how will I live with myself!'

He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. She cried on his shoulder wetting his shirt and vest. He held her until she stopped shivering. The he took a step back and picked up the valise.

'Come, let's go back home'

'You can leave in any moment if that's what you want'- he added when she hesitated -'There is something I want to show you'

They walked hand in hand to the house. Once inside, Ross went to the kitchen to look for something in his coat that was hanging behind the door. Demelza took this moment alone to compose herself and to clean the tears that still ran through her cheeks.

When Ross came back to the room she was standing near the fire, in the same place that they had been no more than an hour ago, the place where they spent most of their time together during the years.

'I have something for you. I was planning give it to you tomorrow, but since there maybe not tomorrow for us, I think is better that you have it now'

He put a little box in her hands. She looked at him and then at the box. She opened and held her breath when she saw what was inside. A delicate white golden ring with a green diamond sparkled at her.

'You see'- Ross said to her –'I've never gave you an engagement ring. Before you'd marry someone you have to ask her if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. If she says yes, then the man must present to her a ring, a way to seal the deal you may say'- he smirked at this last part.

Demelza still held the little box in her fingers and was looking at him with eyes more green than the diamond she was holding.

'Oh Ross… you'll break my heart'

'No, not like this. Not again'

'You are so generous… I have nothing to give you in return'- she said.

'Yes you have. Your heart. Can I have it back?'

Tears came back unashamedly to her eyes. She nodded

'Yes Ross'

He took the box from her hands and put the ring in her ring finger. Tears were also running through Ross's face.

'I love you Demelza'

'And I love you Ross'

He leaned in and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back. The gesture so foreign for them now but so familiar at the same time.

Hours later, Demelza woke up in the naked arms of her husband for the first time in nearly a year. She couldn't distinguish where she started and Ross ended. Their legs tangled together, her hips against his, his arm around her waist, the other resting in her back side. Her own hands touching his chest, the other arm under his head. He tightened his grip around her when she moved, kissed her in her temple when she looked up to him.

'Can you forgive me Ross?'- she whispered

'There is nothing to forgive'

'No, but seriously…'

'Seriously Demelza… my sweet… my adored… my loyal… my beloved Demelza'- he kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, her mouth…

'Tell me'- he then said to her.

'What?'

'Tell me that you love me'- he demanded

'I love you Ross'- she ran her hand through his dark hair and suddenly gave him a big smile.- 'Show me'.

He smiled back at her.

He did show her.

AT: And... that's it! Thank you again for all your support, really meant a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed the story, it ended up being some kind of therapy to deal with the series for me. Sorry again for any grammar mistake. I loved reading the comments, so please keep them coming!

You can also find me in Facebook and Twitter at Poldark Argentina ;)


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